Weaning IV

Today's the 6th day of weaning and during this period, I'd try occasionally, asking Rachel if she'd like to latch but most of the time, she'd remember the taste of bittergourd and declined.  However, she still yearns to latch during those moments when she woke up in the middle of the night and, when she 1st woke up in the morning.  She would kick her legs in frustrations and during the last 2 days, she even told me "ma ma, go" when she realised that she couldn't latch, :(.

Yesterday, she woke up rooting for the breasts(even lifting up my top at the nursing opening, yeah she knows where, haha and yes, I'm still wearing them-homewear & outing's[can't wait to wear 'normal clothes' soon], for ease of expression to relieve engorgement) and surprisingly, she almost, just almost, took to latching again!  Thinking that she should be almost weaned-off by now, I pretended to let her to latch and she must still be feeling abit goggy from the sleep, 'cos she opened her mouth to! Luckily, I was awake and so, managed to pull back on-time and gently reminded her "bitter bitter, you want?", immediately she declined, heeeee.  Then she got abit frustrated and since it's already almost 9am, I decided to wake up with her and teased her out of her aggitation, :).

Another thing,  I woke up this morning with rashes and abit of hives on some areas and initially, I thought that I've got bed bugs but the symptoms/signs that followed later didn't seem so and the doctor told me that they aren't and are more likely to be some allergy reaction.  Felt abit better after the medicine, but still went out to get a new comforter set, heeee(waste $ again...).  A mummy friend just told me that this could also be due to my hormonal reaction since I'm weaning bf now...  I hope it is too...

 

Til now, I would still feel abit sad about having to wean her off and many told me that this is a very normal hormonal reaction but I feel I'm hving it alot worser this time round.  Then again, I had been alot more emotional during my pregnancy with Rae as well(even during confinement period), so I guess this is really normal in a way for me, :*(.  I only hope that she'd lose her urge to latch totally real soon and that she'd take to drinking milk again some time soon...

Weaning III

It's day 3...

 

Things were alittle better last night, though she still woke up feeling aggitated, it was less aggressive than the 1st night.  She still kicked her legs in frustration when she woke up in the middle of the night...

 

Today, it seems like she's finally getting the idea but she still appeared frustrated and though I know it might be due to her being weaned-off bf, I tried not to give in too much to her tantrums.

 

She also tends to wake up earlier these days but it was nice that she asked to sit on my lap this afternoon, after her lunch(just before cheh cheh comes back from school), and fell asleep... Awwww, this is what I've been wanting her to do since she's a few months old, :).  I don't know how long this will last and I certainly hope it'd be here to stay.   However, I told myself to totally enjoy this precious moment whilst I could(but I still put her down onto her bed shortly to avoid it becoming another habit to be weaned off...)

 

I've just managed to tuck her to bed and I'm not sure how things will turn out tonight, I hope she'd soon get over this and sleep through the night without any fuss again, like she did when she's around 2 months old...

Weaning II

It's day 2 and we both woke up zombie-d...

 

Not long after she'd fallen asleep last night, in fact, just 45mins later, she woke up crying... Then it's every other hour and it's driving me nuts.  However, I had to keep my cool for her.

 

At one point, hubby told me to just let her latch and start again today but hello? I've only just re-started it yesterday, I'm not going to give up now that we are going to put a stop to it!  It's not going to give her the correct signal if I give in to her this time round, isn't it?

 

In any case, she woke up at 8am+ today and refused to go back to sleep.  She insisted that I wake up and go out of the room with her, refusing to let papa carry her, haiz...

 

Yawning the morning away, she 'tahan-ed' all the way til about 3pm when she finally fell asleep, sitting on my lap, from watching the going-ons out of our bedroom balcony and I prayed that she would have a good nap before I went to catch a short one myself.(15-20mins into my nap, Renee came in and asked if she could take a break from her practice, haiz...)

 

2 hours+ later, she woke up feeling more energised with better mood and was finally eating her dinner but now I dread to think about bedtime tonight...  Wish me luck!

Weaning

For the benefit of both of us, I have no choice but to give the bf weaning another go.

Again, I chose to start from the day and as we both woke up late at around 9:30am today, the weaning proces 're'-began from that fateful hour...

 

Was told to apply some balsam cream on the nipples but fearing that it might be too 'hot' for her, my sis Eileen suggested using bittergourd instead.  I had thought it a better idea and had in mind to use either that or lemon to deter her from latching.  Luckily for me, I've bought a new bittergourd from the supermarket the other day and the moment she requested for milk some time later, I cut a slice of the gourd, rub it onto my 'n's(both sides, just in case) and though I didn't taste much of it from the slice, Rachel rejected latching right away.

 

The morning was still ok but she couldn't take her nap due to the 'inability' to latch and at around 5pm+, she finally couldn't take it further and asked to latch again.  I rubbed another fresh slice of the bittergourd again and hving seen me performing this act earlier, she quickly realised what's in store for her and refused to latch.  I was in and out of the bedroom with her sooooo many times that I felt as tired as her(if not more...).  Eventually, my hormones reacted again and I started to tear... She saw me tearing and had thought it funny at 1st, thinking that I was trying to trick her but when she realised that I was really crying, she came to me, stroked my hair and arm, hugged and kissed me.  Then when I spoke to her, she pouted and wanted to cry with me, that made me feel even sadder...  Arrrrghhh, I really wish this ordeal would be over soon!  Good thing, being the bubbly her, she soon recovered, went in search of tissue paper, took 1 piece and started to wipe my tears away, before she tried to make me smile again, oh my precious Rachel, I really hope this ordeal wouldn't be so difficult for you and I wish it'd be over soon...

 

Finally, she fell asleep on the high chair after 2 spoonfuls into her dinner, poor thing...  And I took the opportunity to quickly have our delivered pizza with Renee.

 

Then the most feared hour came, Bed-time and as anticipated, she couldn't tolerate and asked to latch again.  I pretended to give in to her but remembering the bitter taste, she didn't dare to take it...  She cried, she fussed, she vented her anger(by facing the wall, :<), begged me(but yet daren't latch)...  I coaxed, I coo-ed, I sayang-ed, I played with her and even with her favourite - having her back scratched, couldn't get her to sleep...  Finally, just half an hour ago, she finally gave-in to lethargy and finally fell asleep and I dread to think what will happen later when she awoke midway....(not forgetting the engorgement I'm feeling the whole day now)...

 

 

Welcoming 2013

I believe many, parent or not, feel the same and that is, Time flies!

It seemed like not too long ago, our Renee was just entering P1 and today, she's attended her 1st day of P2!

 

There had been excitements, adjustments, new friends and even 'experiments' and at the end of the year, although I hadn't the time nor energy to coach Renee with her work, I was still alittle disappointed that she didn't get to the top 3 or 10 within just her class, but with her 90+ mark for all her subjects(though there was a 80+ for her Chinese during the 1st term), I'm contented.  Then suddenly one day, I received a Certficate of Academic Achievement from the MOE, for being in the top 25% in terms of academic performance in the level and course and good conduct in school!  This came in as a really pleasant surprise to me and I hope this would help boost her confidence('cos she's been feeling kinda sad that she didn't come in 1st 3 in the class/school).

Anyway, P1 level is known to be easy and there are going to be new and perhaps tougher challenges which I hope she'd be able to cope well and that, this new year will bring her more learning opportunities, both academically and in the music region.

Another Failed Attempt in Weaning II

Since this morning, Rachel's requests to latch for milk had been declined and though super heartaching, I persevered all the way til her nap time. 

 

Earlier, I had tried to express milk into a bottle and I thought, if Rachel had watched the expression, she might take to the milk knowing that it's my milk afterall, but I soon found out that the suction of the breastpump is no longer competant compared to a toddler's suckling and I didn't manage to get alot of milk out.  She had been making light requests to latch whilst I was expressing but would gently stroke my arms, kiss me when I told her that I couldn't feed her.  From this scenario, I thought, hey, I may succeed afterall but no...  Around noon, her requests to latch got stronger and when I offered her the bottled EBM, she strongly refused, recalling the taste she'd experienced last night(she covered her mouth)... She even lost her apetite over lunch and I began to wonder if I'm forcing it too strongly on her.  Not all kids react readily to the weaning process at the same age after all.  With half finished lunch, she cried, she 'begged' "mama please, mama please...." and cried non-stop.........

 

Normally, she wouldn't lie on my shoulder for more than 5seconds but today, when I told her that I'd carry her to sleep(when I refused to nurse her), she lied on my shoulder for the longest time, sobbing away, and when I told her that I'd carry her on my arms til she sleeps, she didn't protest either...  Minutes later, all the cryings must have made her really tired 'cos she showed big signs of falling into sleep and she even allowed me to put her on her bed and pat her to sleep! I kissed her cheeks just before she fell into dreamland and told her that I love her and that she's done well and I saw a smile on her tear-stained face, :(.

 

The above brief narration does seem to make my weaning process seemed successful, doesn't it? But no, it's not...  Soon, I caught on the 'mummy weaning bug' - hormonal changes...  Surprisingly, this came on super fast!  Signs of depression slowly seeped into me and before I knew it, I was tearing away at the laptop, whilst making payment online!(Good thing Renee had gone to the pool with the helper, else I'd have to face her numerous questions and I don't think I'd be ready for that).  Earlier, whilst googling for tips on a less traumatic weaning process for Rachel, I came upon an article that told me that bf weaning will also affect the mother due to hormonal changes when she stops breastfeeding.

 

Although b/fed, Rachel is not as attached to me as Renee had been but during this short weaning period, she showed signs of clinginess, separation anxiety and she kept 'mama please, mama please' me..... I guess I'm also not ready to wean her, and decided to give ourselves abit more time.

When Rachel awoke from her nap, she smiled at me but pouted immediately when I 'pretended' to deny her of her request to latch again...  Even after I've given in to her request(I continue telling her that I'd need her to stop latching one day soon), she still clung to me like never before...

 

In any case, out of love for the kid, I've failed in my weaning mission and for now, I can only pray that she would one day, soon, self-wean herself off b/feeding...

 

 

Another Failed Attempt in Weaning

I've been telling Rachel that she'd soon need to be weaned off breastfeeding but she simply do not hear of it!  Each time I tell her, she'd go - shake her head and said "ma ma" even when she was merely a few months old!  Since her 1st strong display of bottle rejection, I've been half-hearted about weaning her off - she had cried non-stop, for a good 1.5hrs+! and even refused to latch-on for milk after that, at a tender age of 1mth+, I certainly couldn't bring myself to go through the process when she's at a age of neither here nor there(neither too young to understand nor too old to really wean off).

Besides not wanting to disturb her older sister's sleep('cos she attends the morning school), the home movings and the holiday trips also deterred my determination(had initially planned to give it another try during these few wks of the school holidays).

 

I had wanted to start off with the day feeds but I've heard that if the night feeds are weaned-off, it'd be easier and thus, a week before we depart for Bangkok, I gave it a shot but failed...

Prep-ing her for the 'ordeal' tomorrow, I talked to her just now when she asked to be nursed to sleep.  Again, each time I told her to take milk in a bottle, she'd shake her head and give me the milk hand sign, indicating that she wanted to latch.  I continued talking to her even whilst she nursed and prior to that, I even brought out the breastmilk pump and a new box of milk bottle to show her.  Suddenly, she stopped, got up from bed and showed me that she's willing to give it a shot too and I was elated!  I thought a miracle has happened and quickly, I went to fix her a small bottle(only 160ml worth of FM mix as I'm not sure how much she drinks now), but upon a 1st sip, she gave me a look of disgust, shaked her head, covered her mouth with her hands and began to cry, :(...

 

I've recently met a mummy whom told me that, to successfully wean off b/feeding, I have to give milk in an alternative - spout/straw, instead of a soft teat 'cos that would only remind her of me.

 

In any case, it has been a failed attempt and I hope, I would have better luck tomorrow, with EBM(expressed breast milk)...

Our Christmas @Bangkok, Thailand

Phew, finally, Rachel's fever is also residing after a dose of the chinese medicine we've gotten from the Physician this morning...

 

This trip, prompted by hubby's clients/friends, wasn't arranged last minute(thank goodness) but somehow, we didn't have the mood to pack til the eve and hubby even needed to 'push' me to get me going, heee.  Luckily he did, 'cos it made me realised that I still had quite abit of stuffs to pack! hahaha.

 

Actually, I was rather skeptical about the trip. Firstly, although I've heard alot about the generosity and kindness of the people whom we'd be travelling with, I couldn't help but worry if we could all get along well and most importantly, whether our young kids might cause them any inconveniences.  However, it turned out that they are really nice people and even helped us with our kids!  They were so kind that even Renee felt abit sad when they returned home a day earlier than us(they arrived a day earlier too).

 

Our flight was at a good timing, 5pm(Rachel napped on the plane) and we arrived at Baiyoke Sky Hotel at close to 9pm(Thailand time).  We arrived at a good timing and were greeted with a parade/performance of some of the fairy tale characters and thereafter, the choir started singing and the characters/'Santa Clauses' went around distributing Christmas cookies and we were given quite a handful, lolz.  Our companinions had wanted to wait for us to join them for dinner but it'd be too late, so we told them not to.  Neverthelss, they still packed some food for us and luckily, they told us on time whilst we were trying to find food on our own, :). 

 

As I hadn't been as enthusiastic about the packing this time round, I had only remembered to pack in the kids' travel meds but not the adult's, :(  and so, when the 2 teenager kids of our group fell ill, I hadn't got any of mine to offer.

 

Arrangements had already been made for us to join a local tour @6:45am the next morning and due to the early hour, I only managed a 3hours sleep!  We were brought to the infamous floating market which we've been hoping to have a chance to try!  It was a nice experience though Rachel clung on very tightly to me in the carrier during both boat rides(one motorised and one manual) and my legs almost got numbed from the cramp during the ride on the 'manual' boat, hahaha.  We didn't buy anything from the rides, heeee.

 

Next, we headed to the elephant village where papa and Renee(reluctant initially) rode on the elephant but as Rachel's afraid and refused, I didn't get to try...  Anyway, I don't think it's gonna be easy for me to go onboard carrying her, :).  We were then brought to the wood carving and the gem factories, after the snake show(which Rachel and I missed). The wood carvings were really really nice and we were tempted to buy a cabinet but the price tag put us off the idea, hahaha.

 

After our half day guided tour, we went for our own lunch and though it was already past 3pm, we still managed to do some shopping, grabbed dinner at a chinese restaurant and came back to the hotel for a room change(co-incidentally, this room was also given to 1 of our companions but they had rejected it on the spot).  The 2nd room, though abit smaller, has a king size bed, so it's better for us.  Earlier, on our way back, we had stopped by Amari Hotel and there was also some performances going on there and again, a 'Santa Claus' gave Renee a present, :).  Whilst I got the kids ready for shower/bed, papa went for a massage with the rest, all except me - the one who needed it the most since I carried Rachel the whole day! :(

On the 3rd day, we did more shopping and after our sumptous Japanese dinner at a Zen restaurant, we headed back to the hotel where again, I was left alone in the room to take care of the kids' needs whilst papa went to join the men drinking in 1 of their rooms.

The 4th day was a miserable one.  The night before, I had already felt something coming and I woke up with a high fever, bad phlegmy cough and feeling extreme lethargy.  The paracetemol didn't help and for the whole day, I fell in and out of sleep in the room.  Had wanted hubby to bring Renee along to shop but with my condition, she had to stay in to help watch over Rachel(but she was playing game on my iphone the whole time! lolz).  This turned out to be a better idea 'cos there had been alot of walking involved and Renee would have complained and killed papa's shopping mood, hahaha.

Fortunately, I had felt better on our last day and though I very much hope to sleep-in, I knew I had to wake up early so as to catch on some lost shopping.  Hubby needed to go back to 1 of the shops to do some size exchange, so he left us at the nearby wholesale mall where we only spent 1hr plus before we decided to return to the hotel room 1st.  Thereafter, when we have checked out of the room upon his return, I told him that I wanted to go back to the Platinum shopping mall and we managed to buy some more stuffs(mostly and mainly the kids', hardly any of mine) before we had to rush back to the massage parlour near our hotel as hubby needed another round(haiz) and before we knew it, it was time for us to come home... :)

As I had to carry Rachel onboard the plane, she caught the cold virus from me and got a high temperature when we got home, :(.

We had been to the physician's this morning and thankfully, she's feeling better already, after the 1st dosage of the medication.  Next would be my recovery I hope...

*Bought quite abit of stuffs this trip but mainly, papa's and the kids', :)  Not as much photos taken as well but they can be viewed at facebook, :).

Renee's 1st Solo Performance

Finally, the feeling of a heavy stone is finally relieved today, shortly after 4pm at The Lee Foundation Theatre.

 

At the beginning of this year, we were told that Renee was elected to audition for an opportunity of a soloist performance at Nafa School of Young Talents' annual year end concert.  After a few months of nagged preparation during the 1st semester, she was selected and it was around July or August that they started to prep her on the concert piece.  A few months of tensed/nagged enivornment(due to her laziness to practice!), she finally made it through today!

 

The pre-concert rehearsal began at 1pm and we were set to leave home around 12:30pm BUT, we left her dress at home and had to make a U-turn and thus, we were a little late.. Luckily, the young ones from the Prep Group took a tiny bit more co-ordination/arrangement, so we weren't deemed to be too late(her teacher was just about to ring us when we showed up though, hahaha).

 

As Rachel was not allowed in the concert, we took our helper along so that she could help us look after her when the concert begins.  However, she has to do that even before the concert starts because I was needed at the backstage.

 

We had thought that we could be allowed abit of time for a quick tea break after the 2 hour rehearsal(the whole process run-through), but we were told that the 1st batch of performers are to go to the dressing room straight away and thus, papa had to rush over to the bubble-tea shop to get Renee's/my favourite oreo vanilla shake + chocolate waffle.

 

Having detoured to look for papa, I had to bring Renee to the dressing room myself and had ended up at the 'groups' room but the Dept Head of Junior Music told me that there's another room at the other side for soloists and told us to go over...  However, that room was smaller and not wanting to go in there, I went into the next one(with more toilet cubicles) instead and got her ready there.

 

Her teacher then came by whilst we were munching on our waffle, and told me to get Renee to warm up a couple more times but the latter wasn't quite willing and did only half-heartedly, haiz...

 

When the concert was about to begin, the programme director(I'm not sure if this is her actual job title, hahaha) came to fetch Renee up and her teacher told me to go along with her.  On the way up to the backstage, the lady asked if I've got a seat ticket and if so, then I should go to the audience hall.  So, I went back to the dressing room, pick up the violin case, dress cover, etc etc and rushed back to my seat only to find that my hubby's not there...

 

Soon, my sister Li and good friend Vicky came in with hubby and before we could even say a proper hello to each other, the concert was ready to begin...

 

Sitting there, my heart was in a turmoil - between the want to go check on Rachel and the desire to be with Renee at the backstage, to give her more support if not to keep her warm... But I had to stay put in my seat, if I were to catch my precious girl's very 1st formal concert performance and so I kept telling myself to stay 'calm', hahaha.

 

When it came to Renee's turn to play(she was the 2nd soloist to perform after the prep group's performances), I daren't breathe.  I was secretly praying that she won't trip, make no mistake and a 'smooth' performance.  I'd held my breath til the very last bow she did and finally, I felt sooooo relieved!

 

After her performance, I waited for an opportunity for me to sneak out and straight away, I went to look for her at the dressing room.  I saw her sitting there, alone, looking kinda 'sad' and my heart went to her but she immediately light up the moment she saw me and I quickly gave her a hug.  Told her she did a good job and I'm proud of her.  She said she wasn't sad but felt tired and I guess this is what anxiety(she was really nervous then!) could do to one.

 

Although we felt that some of her home practices(even during rehearsal) had been better but this being her 1st formal performance and that she'd felt really nervous, we think she did not too bad, :).  Hopefully, should she be given another opportunity to perform, she'd do better.  For now, we're happy and glad that the concert's over, so we could concentrate on the next item on the list - Moving home tomorrow!

*Rachel had been good and had slept through the concert(outside the theatre hall, with the maid)...